You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
