Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
