So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Less talking, more tequila
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
