U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
