I cockslap morals
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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