The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
