So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
