Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
