I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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