I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
