Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
