Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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