i already hear my dad disowning me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
