it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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