Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
