Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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