Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and she was petting her beer can
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
