Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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