The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
