yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
