You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
