i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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