two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
