When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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