I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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