The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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