I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
