I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
