I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
