uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
