Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
