kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
