i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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