My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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