Just fell off a train. Bad.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
