So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
