It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
