All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
