im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
