Whod you bang
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
