I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
