i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
