She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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