i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
