there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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