I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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