I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
