I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
