This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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