What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
